Are They Really Your Friends If You Can't Trust Them?

It's really funny how that question comes up. I don't really feel alone but since my trip to Korea spiraled into flaming death, I've become a lot more distrustful of people. And since I'm mad pissed ALL THE TIME, and I don't really care who reads this and gets angry at me about it anymore, I won't be changing or abbreviating names.

Long story short I got ditched in Daejeon on the second last day of my vacation. It was quite possibly the worst feeling I've ever felt thus far. Sitting on my sister's bed in tears and wondering why when all I got was bullshit reasons, and being blamed for things that everyone else was doing first. So this is a letter for everyone, the world, whomever might read this.

Stephanie: Thanks for proving to me how fucking crazy and immature you really are. Does it feel good? It feels great doesn't it? I should thank you really. You gave me and AJ a common factor. All the times I defended you and had your back? FUCK YOU. I'm not deaf or blind. I can hear the shit you say about me to everyone. I'M running my mouth at work and telling people our business? I wouldn't even talk about that shit if people didn't come up to me and fucking ASK me directly about it. Where's your fucking bravery and bitchiness whenever you see me at work? Yeah, because hitting me in the heel with a shopping cart with my back turned and looking at the floor when I look at you is SO courageous. Yeah. Mature. It was fun to have Andrew tell me to "hear you out" because you "want to hash it out" but where the fuck are you when you get the chance? Hmm? You may have Andrew convinced, but seriously, grow some balls and actually do what you say you're going to do instead of saying shit to sound all hard and bitchy. You want crazy? I'll show you fucking crazy.

Ed: Nice being a fucking follower and a bitch...

Luther, you're a fucking idiot. Instead of coming up to me and telling me what I was doing wrong you took the bitch way out and followed people who couldn't even give a flying fuck about you. And where did that get you? Answer me that.

Andrew: Dude. I get it. You want the world to be perfect, and you want everyone to get along. It's just not going to happen. I don't WANT to hear anything about how "sorry" they feel or how "bad" they want to talk because You. Are not. Fucking. Here. You're in Orange County. Not in Korea and Not in Winnipeg. You wouldn't know. I'm saying this because when you get here in a few days time I might not have enough trust in me to even bother to do anything with you. It's not because of you but I'm just not a trustful person, not anymore. I just wanted to write this because I have used up all the energy I have just trying to not stop talking to you. I don't want to have to think about what I'm saying and worry about whether or not you're going to turn a car ride into a lecture. I told you that in this situation, Ate Grace and I are the victims. Not Steph, Ed, or Luther. Me, and my sister. I feel I don't have to put myself in that situation anymore. We are the party to please here. I told you that.

Shoutouts because I'm bored.

I'm always driven to distraction, but I have reason to celebrate right now. Despite the fact that I'm scared that some things might not go so well, things that might very well end another friendship that I've come to enjoy. However, I was never one to play second fiddle with my friends. Especially when I'm playing second fiddle to a boyfriend or girlfriend. I hate that. I honestly cannot wait for this school year to finish. Japan, Korea, BLOC PARTY! to say the least. Then a few months to wind down and get ready for another year of school. Another year to figure out what I want to do with my life and what I want out of life.

Maybe I should learn how to play a guitar? It always seems that playing guitar solves so many problems. Conundrums.

I have to give a crazy shout out to my homegirl Steph. It seems that ever since we started to hang out on a regular we get closer and closer. She seems to be the strongest connection I have to a personality similar to my sister Grace. Our love of thai food, Bloc Party, food in general, and her inability to watch gory horror movies makes the deal so much sweeter!

To Ed. You're one screwed up dude. You always seem to call me while at work and you never get in trouble! WTF? Hahaha. You and Steph are great and you always manage to be the calm voice in our conversations when Steph and I are bitching about random stuff, and then you're off on your own tangent that makes us laugh so much. I'd honestly be so bored if I wasn't friends with you, dude.

Luther, best friends for three years. Funny what a stapler can do to friendship. That's all I gotta say. Friends for life, dude. MOVE BACK INTO THE CITY SO WE CAN ACTUALLY HANG OUT YOU BASTARD!

Andrew "DEARGODTHATISONETALLMUTHAFUCKA-6'4"-SHITHE'STALL!" Schade. Even though you're like all the way in California, whenever we talk on Skype it's like we're talking back in the lounge at Wal-Mart all over again. Can't wait for you to come back for another round of scaring the yeti with our fighting skills! "I'm sorry sir, we don't allow sasquatches in the building. If your pet absolutely has to stay with you, you need to tie her up on the fence." THE best conversation ever!

And last, and certainly least...haha...Ate Grace, I can't wait to visit you. Things kinda suck without you here. When you come home we're going to have a LONG talk about how you're never going to leave for more than a month at a time, you ridiculous crackwhore.

Okay, so in anticipation of the BLOC PARTY CONCERT that is quickly upcoming, and in honor of my oh-so-awesome musical soul mate, I was going around the interwebs and stumbled upon this ridiculously catchy gem. Ali was telling me how awesome MSTRKRFT was, but now I'm a fucking believer!

Are you in Love? Or have you lost your mind? And now a message from Flirtron 2000.

I find it weird that relationships can change people's personalities so quickly. In fact, I find it pretty revolting. The changing personality part. (I nearly wrote "paat" instead of part...I'm so Japped out...) It's great that my friends have found someone who like them for "who they are" but is that "really who they are," or the image of "what they want you to be?" It kind of bothers me how someone can talk about being excited about going on a trip, which I must point out, was planned WAY before this relationship even started, and then suddenly back out.

You didn't want to say it was because of your boyfriend, but I know that was what it was about. You know I won't tell you, because you need to learn for yourself. We're your friends and although we're a bit pissed off at you for saying it we won't hold it against you. You're young. If you read this, don't take this as an attack on you or your relationship. I honestly can't be bothered to fight for your attention anymore. We've had talks about my refusal to vie for attention. It'd be hypocritical of me if I turned my back on my word just for you. Learn for yourself. I owe you that much.

On a lighter note, I've been loving The Pillows, a California-Jrock fusion band that did the whole soundtrack to Fooly Cooly. They're so light and they're not like the typical J-rock and Visual Kei bands like Malice Mizer and Glay, which I hate. They've got this vibe like a Weezer meets Red Hot Chilli Peppers meets Bloc Party thing, and I'm in love.

No, seriously. I think of my random crushes when I listen to Juliet. It's one of those songs, man. One of those songs.



Enjoy the video, which is a mashup of Fooly Cooly with The Pillows' song Juliet. Also watch the manga powered banter of Naota, Haruko, Naota's Dad and Grandpa. Comic Genius. You will be glad you did. Promise.

I can be as cruel as you...

I made it a point to try and block all the bullshit that's been done to me since, well since I decided to stand up for what I believe in. I know I can take care of myself. I can keep myself running. I don't need any more disrespect from people who really never gave two shits about my opinions.

I really would have forgiven you if you actually apologized to everyone. I would have forgiven you if you showed me some respect. I would have forgiven you if you asked for it from us. I didn't care if anyone else forgave you. You were my sister. Despite my protests, you meant something to me.

I could deal with disrespect. I could deal with how you treated me day by day. It was simply not a big deal.

You knew who I was, what I thought, what I believed in and you still managed to turn it around on me.

When Jem was cheated on, my BEST FRIEND was cheated on, you STILL managed to turn my words of cold hard strength into poison. You turned my group of friends into a minefield. When I made it absolutely CLEAR I could stand to be in the same room as Kyle you and Jerson went BEHIND MY BACK and invited him to EVERY party I attended with the clear implication of making me apologize to HIM. I hated the fact that you didn't respect my wishes. Every single time I asked you to respect what I said you always found yourself a loophole. It didn't matter that it was KILLING me that even my best friend believed you and Kyle over me. Did you even care how that made me feel?

You didn't.

It figures. Edmonton, that really didn't surprise me. You're YOU, what could we expect? I even expected you to divert the blame. It was our fault, huh? I was humiliated that you'd stoop that low. I couldn't even bear to look Stephanie in the face.

But I could have forgiven you if you had the guts to hear what we had to say. The moment I decided you couldn't be forgiven was you turned your head, looked to my right and said "So, we're gonna play more Rock Band?" and our connection DIED. ENDED, FINITO.

What is it with you and befriending people I've come to hate with every fibre of my being? You know what he did to me, you KNOW what was being said about me. Years have past but that is a lovely hate I'd nurtured to strengthen my beliefs. I gave HIM as second chance and what did that land me? Right, a second chance for him to stab me in the back.

Well, I guess you should thank him. Because of him, you'll never be able to regain my trust EVER again.

And no, I will not spare a smile, bitch...

Starting a Saga that will probably never end! Welcome to my passion!

DATE THIS AS DECEMBER 31st!

So it turns out I get massively bored when I'm not thinking of the characters that I've developed as a writer. When I was a year or three younger, my life revolved around the stories weaved by other horror and action writers. Namely I was enamoured with Resident Evil. Intrigue, zombies and genetic freaks? Who wouldn't? Hot women who took to guns like white on rice? OH SO HOT! So I decided that I might just post some snippets once in a while of characters that I developed with some (former and current) friends and develop my style. Also I like powerful fighters and epic gore and firefights. So the first snippet will be now.

Characters are manifestations of friends and myself, and obviously fictionalized as hell. Come on, fighters who can move as fast as Daphne on Heroes?

However, I would like to say right now that these chapters or one-shots might (will) weave in and out of copywritten material that I DON'T own. If you don't like random fanfiction or just bad amateur writing, you can go and find people who would like to complain about REAL things. If you're still here...let's begin.

~~~~

The first week Isaac moved into their home, Jyce and Keane were suspicious. Key was willingly bringing a second government dog into the heart of their operation? The puny little thing, upon Keane's intense scruntiny which was entirely too creepy for the slightly older Isaac to properly put away his suit jackets, was surely going to realize that killing was wrong and then Interpol would be breathing down their necks. Keane had heard the stories of Isaac's accomplishments from his hundreds of contacts in the underground and they were very alarming for sure.

"You know-" Isaac's voice, rough yet boyish with stunted age brutally shoved Keane out of his inspection. Isaac straightened up and glanced at the taller brunette. "-as much as I enjoy everyone in this house gauging my loyalty, I'm going to have to ask that you get out." The redhead demanded.

Keane snorted. "I've got my eye on you, Fed. I'm not about to get nicked by some Genetically Altered Freak because Key thinks he can trust you." Keane's glasses glinted with a sinister light as he smoothly exited the room.

As soon as the taller man had walked out, Isaac's nares (he had heard the geneticists call his heat sensory glands that and he decided he'd call them that too since it sounded less freakish) picked up the particular heat of Key approaching from the hallway.

"I'm just unpacking my things, Key." He called out.

The slightly taller, dark haired mercenary sauntered in, amusement laced in his voice. "I know." The Asian slipped into the room and jumped jovially onto the bed, sending the accumulated fire-proof polymer clothes on it flying.

Isaac watched the clothes flop into a wide mess on the royal blue carpet and groaned. "I see six years have not dulled your ability to fuck up my well ordered world." Isaac snarled, his voice lacking in animosity. Key chuckled.

"I was always the best at that." Key retorted, Isaac fiddled with the collar of one of his suit jackets and posed Key a question.

"Is it really okay for me to stay here? That guy Keane isn't taking to my presence in this house very well. Jyce seems to be torn by the fact that I'm here, too." Isaac commented, sensing a new warmth standing behind the door Key had left ajar.

"They are best friends. However, Jyce isn't one to forget past deeds. You saved his life but he's loyal to Keane." Key explained. "The two of them will need to realize that this is a contingency measure. What if one of us is killed one day? Or captured?" The thought of that made something in Isaac's gut twist uncomfortably. He heard a sigh and the heat signature behind the door left, leaving him and Key to themselves.

"I'm thrilled that you want me to be on your team, but maybe for the first few jobs I should just go by myself." Isaac proposed. Key propped himself up on his elbows to stare at the redhead.

"Alone? That's not a good idea and that is not how we work. We work as a group." Key jumped off the bed and turned to the door. "Sorry, but I won't allow it. I'm going to go talk to Keane."

Isaac grabbed Key's shoulder to stop the man. "Key, you and I both know that doing that is only going to make things worse. Give me one or two jobs and I'll prove to them that I can do this." Isaac watched the man as the heat around him fluctuated. He had figured out very early that usually, a pleased emotion increased body heat and while Key was running from peach yellow and a weird indigo, as his left eye was showing him; that meant Key was running scenarios through his mind. Possibly one or two that include him being locked in a gross dingy basement being systematically tortured. Isaac chuckled at the thought.

"Fine. Just one. Completely on your own. But I CANNOT guarantee that Keane will be any more accommodating afterward." Key acquiesced. Isaac smiled. "I'll be right back with the information." Key half walked, half sulked out of the room grumbling. "Stupid, stupid idiot friends. They'd better be ready for a beating..." Isaac caught that last bit before the sound became to quiet for him to hear.

Forty minutes later, (after an odd series of yells and heavy slams coming from the first floor, which Isaac concluded was a new peak in his range of hearing) Key returned with the file, a few tears in his 150 dollar jeans and a grimace on his face that couldn't have said anything other than: "I am displeased with what you're doing, and I know this face will tell you that."

"What were those noises downstairs?" Key flipped through the file, as if he hadn't heard the redhead. "Key?" There was a long pause as Key was rifling through the file's contents, his dark brown eyes rapidly shifting as he memorized the file. After a minute of silence, the file was shoved into Isaac's arms with a grimace.

"Here. We'd forgotten about this one until I checked the database. Dr. Brian Fettner. He's a head researcher from Tricell Pharmaceuticals(Uh huh I watched it!), and some evidence came to light that he'd been involved with the Harvardville and WilPharma Incident with Downing." Key said, as Isaac scanned the information in the file. The man looked extremely normal. Cropped black hair and glasses, average body type, and a blank, nearly dazed look in his eyes. He flipped the page and found photos of the man sitting in a Parisian-style cafe with Frederick Downing, and from the angle, the photograph was taken from a vantage point above them.

"Fuck, it's been seven years and Umbrella's still at my heels." Isaac exclaimed with a huff, combing his fingers through his short, blood red hair. Key nodded in commiseration. Key knew Isaac was still haunted by the abominations created by the Umbrella Corporation's scientists. Isaac was one of the abominations. Key didn't like thinking that way but there was no other way to say it. Isaac was different and they all knew it. Isaac would be alive far longer than any one of them, possibly until the end of time itself. Isaac was the only one who could create explosions and fire and bleed on command. His was the only blood on the planet that could burst into flames with a mere thought. There was no other person like Isaac on Earth.

"My offer to take some back-up is still valid. If you don't want to deal with this on your own, it's cool. Richter was also uncomfortable with going alone." Key commented.

Richter, the third addition to their team was a former FBI agent had no faith in justice, in the law, in conventional law enforcement. Isaac and Richter were always constantly betrayed by the very governments and laws they lived to protect. Isaac had been sent on many rescue missions by the NGO by himself, pitted against hordes of bio-weapons and people who did not understand and therefore feared his powers. NGO condemned Bio-Organic Weapons and yet secretly kept one as a one man enforcer. Isaac could not count how many times the NGO had forced him to take human life.

It was when a NGO member turned to the very thing the organization was started to stop; Bioterrorism, and had released the T-virus into a small city in Massachussets that Isaac learned the purpose of his missions. The NGO was trying to figure out Isaac's weakness, and a method of harnessing Isaac's power to create expendable soldiers for the American Government to use. Isaac knew the destructive power running through his veins and would sooner send the world into flames and death than allow that power to be given to the wrong people. Isaac left the organization and dissolved his connection to the U.S. Government, his only connection to his past being Claire Redfield. Now he totally abhorred the NGO and the lengths they would go to obtain his power.

Richter very nearly lost his life to the law and the liars who twisted the law for their own personal gain and when he confronted them they put him in jail, framing him for murder. When he was freed, he vanished and tossed away his morality and hunted down criminals in cold blood, exacting justice with his own hands and searching for the people that framed him. He hunted corrupt cops and mafia men, soon coming to learn his hunt continued on to include judges and lawyers, people in high positions of power. He laughed when he realized that, in the face of the judge that commanded that he be sent to prison, all in order to hide his money laundering and mafia payroll, that justice came at the price of humanity. The question plagued him. Was he really willing to give up his life and humanity for the pursuit of justice? The moment the trigger snapped the firing pin, the very instant he watched Key reflect the bullet and hand the Judge over to the police with files and files worth of evidence damning the public figure, his faith in humanity clung dearly to Key, to the words uttered to him while they stood on the balcony watching the judge being hauled away.

"There are people who are loyal to justice. You just have to find them."

Richter put on a mask of carefree indifference, speaking softly and affably to all who came across him. The moment a gun was placed in his hands his face and lies fell apart and the killer in him emerged. His orders, his faith, his loyalty was from Key. Richter vowed to follow Key wherever he went.

Isaac only trusted Key. Key was his best friend for years. Nobody knew Isaac like Key did. Even through the mutations, the run-ins and his complications with the American government, Key stood by him. Key stood by him with determination and trust. He would not so easily let that trust go to waste by failing these missions.

Taking the files, Isaac stood up and grabbed his tactical gear, stuffing it into a plain black knapsack and heading out.

"I'll be back. I promise I won't fail."

~~~~~

So ends one little snippet into the lives of my favorite original characters. Most of my stories will revolve around Resident Evil as Resident Evil 5 is due in three months and thirteen days! Until then my obsession for zombies will never be quenched!!!

Jason Voorhees 2.0, now with RUNNING action!

Can I just say, I am SOOO damn excited! I'm not a fan of remakes...at all, but what is good about slasher remakes like Friday the 13th, Halloween, and The Texas Chainsaw Massacre is that since these movies have very little story, just a premise, the characters, and the killer, there is so much awesomeness to be had!

I admit I was not into Horror and Slasher flicks till I was like...fifteen but once I managed to watch The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Wes Craven's New Nightmare it was a wonderful way for me to exert some anger. I've gotten to the point where some of the most horrifying techniques that the old Friday the 13ths and Halloweens and even newer stuff coming out these days don't even phaze me.

Crushing a man's brain with a belt? That's nothing...

Putting a woman through a mirror with a metal backing so that an imprint is left behind? Child's play.

Using a Hacksaw to do the ol' cut and twist? Pshhh...Jason was the master.

Now if this is the case, you might ask why I'm so excited. A few reasons.

3: Better looking teens with horrible personalities that I can relate with wanting to destroy. You usually don't want the ugly, weird, awkward teenager to die, even though they happen to do so every so often. THANKFULLY, a majority of victims in the ol' slashers were "Good Looking" or "Cool" and killed in so many different and satisfying ways. Example: In Friday the 13th part 7: The New Blood, the bitchy blonde rich girl. You never feel so good about someone getting an axe to the face until that part, right near the end as her arrogance fails to protect her.

2: Better movie techniques. As with many things, time is meant for improvement. Makeup and film techniques have made strides and movie blood is looking more and more real nowadays.

1: To tie these two ideas together, the main reason I want to see this movie is that...should they do this right, this might be the most Violent Mainstream Movie for the '08-'09 term! Hello, impalements, beheadings, eviscerations, axes or machetes or hunting knives or arrows or anything through the face, I've missed you!

And ANYWAY, watching Jason Voorhees run is like seeing a paraplegic walk again! It's just so AWESOME!!!

A Whole Lotta SNATCH ACTION!

I seriously die everytime, EVERYTIME Debbie Digiovanni (sp?) is on this fucking show! I am a serious believer in the notion that Big Girls are hilarious!

"And then at the end her formaldehyde disintegrates and she falls apart and AAAHHH SHE'S DEAD!"

"Oh, of course this isn't a cameo by Sarah Jessica Parker."


"Oh I hate it. HATE IT, when "Big Girls" in videos look thin to me!"

"ICING, STAT! ICING, STAT!"

"Celine! Shut up! Seriously! Stop metabolizing for like, a second!"

"Don't you wish that you can go inside and check out all the safety deposit boxes and they're all filled with good things and they're like 'Would like to see your box Ms. Digiovanni?' and I'm like 'Uh, yes I would...' and they open up my box...JONAS BROTHERS, IN MY BOX! OH..."


I want to say, that she's the kind of comedian who should be famous! The big bitch who isn't afraid to be a big bitch to herself!